Survivors
by SaraJun
Summary: If someone told you you would have to go through Hell and back in order to find yourself, would you go for it anyway? What if you could meet your soulmate there? Bananun fiction (Lana Winters/Mary Eunice).
1. Confusion

**This fiction goes through the entire season and focuses on the evolution of Lana and Mary Eunice's relationship.  
Chapter I — Confusion. _In which Lana wakes up after electroshock therapy and finds a sorry (and not-yet-possessed) Mary Eunice at her bedside._  
Chapter rating: K+**

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_Throwing the front door of her cosy suburban house open, Lana rushed inside, desperately calling out her lover's name: "Wendy? Wendy, I'm here! Baby, I did it, I'm back!". Running through the living room, her eyes couldn't keep from being drawn to a massive book open on the coffee table. Her effervescence slightly decreased, giving way to a familiar emotion, slowing her pace down. She allowed herself a little detour and sat down on the couch, her eyes fixed on the book: a photo album. All of the pictures Wendy and her had taken since the beginning of their relationship, as many precious and cherished moments spent in each other's company. Her trembling fingers ghosted over some pictures taken out their transparent jacket and scattered all over the table and the ground — she also noticed a few used tissues strayed here and there.  
She was about to get back on her feet when a voice in her back got her limbs paralysed: "Lana? Lana! Lana, good Lord…". She didn't even have the chance to collect herself, Wendy's body collapsed into hers with a great strength, causing the two of them to tumble onto the sofa. Without a mutual glance, their lips crashed into a distraught kiss, their saliva mingled with the saltiness of their tears. "Oh, Lana…"_

"Lana? Miss Winters? Please, wake up!", a rushed whisper dragged Lana out of her tormented slumber — and thereby out of what has evidently been but a dream. Her eyelids fluttered, her sight requiring a moment to adapt a bit better with the weak and flickering light of a candle flame, held only a few inches away from her face. Slowly and partly gaining her awareness back, she found herself hit by an atrocious pain — mental, in the first place: she was still stuck in here, at Briarcliff, as evidenced by her lousy habit and the pestilential, mingled smell of piss, fear and death that saturated the ambient air; then physical: her muscles all felt sore, worn out, but most of all, her skull felt as if it had been bashed with a hammer, every single one of her messy thoughts echoing painfully in her mind, an awful burning sensation martyring her temples. She tried reaching out a hesitant hand to the side of her head, but foreign fingers firmly held her wrist back. "No Miss Winters, don't touch!", the voice sounded louder this time. Lana raised her gaze, in an attempt to discern the stooped silhouette sitting near her knees. "Sister…", she murmured after a moment with a hoarse, brittle voice, confused. "Mary Eunice, Sister Mary Eunice. Do you remember me, Miss Winters?", the question was asked with a shade of gentleness Lana wasn't excepting, not anymore, not now, not here. Her thoughts scurried in her mind, bumping into each other, not allowing her to settle properly the vision of the mildly smiling face in front of her, "I-I don't know…" "It's okay, Miss Winters. To be honest, I-you…", the young nun lowered her shady gaze, a shameful expression veiling over her maidenly features, "You've been subjected to electroshock therapy.". Lana, speechless, tried as best as she could to sit up straight against the metallic headboard, "I _what_?". "Electroshock therapy… Sister Jude—", Lana's shout interrupted her, "Sister Jude!". Suddenly, memories, intercut with large blurs of void blackness, flashed through her foggy brain; images were getting back at her in the most truculent ways. Among those, the one, acute, of Sister Jude, her mocking smile, her contemptuous tone, her sharp eyes — and her radical, cruel, soulless manners. Yes, Sister Jude, her torturer, the one and only person responsible for her woeful condition. A growing rage was tugging at her sore intestines, "The bitch! I'm going to bash her face in!". Thereupon, Lana, driven by a feverish strength, jumped off the bed. But as soon her feet hit the floor, she felt light-headed, tottered and nearly fell to the ground pathetically. In a swift movement, Mary Eunice caught hold of the other woman's light body, before helping her back to the bed. The two of them embarrassed by Lana's shortcut effort and by the unusual physical contact that followed, kept silence for a couple of minutes, their eyes fixed on opposite spots in the gloomy room.

Mary Eunice was the first to break the silence, softly for fear of pushing the young journalist, "I trust Sister Jude. Even though she can sometimes come out as rough, I believe in her. She's a wise woman and I-" "Wise?!", Lana exclaimed with a humourless, exasperated laugh, "That woman is a fucking monster, embodiment of the Devil! For God's sake, Sister, open your eyes! Somebody should tear the bitch down, and I'd willingly undertake such a task."

Silence fell back heavily; Lana was out of breath, cheeks red with anger. Mary Eunice's eyes gazed upon the ground. Lost into confusion and shame, she struggled to restrain childish tears. It was true: she believed in Sister Jude, was also afraid of her. For those reasons, she couldn't even consider to betray her in any way. Still, standing so close to Lana Winters, she couldn't help but feel another kind of culpability. She wished to put it into words, didn't know how. "Why are you even here?", Lana hissed, dragging her out of her thoughts. "I, um... Well, I thought I could come and clean your… wounds, and um, maybe give you something to drink.", she pointed at a basin of water placed near the footboard. Lana, brows furrowed, held her gaze and asked aggressively, sensing it wasn't the whole truth: "_Why_ are you here?". The young girl slightly shuddered at the ice-cold expression and the suggestive tint in Lana's voice, she hesitated, "I-I should've never let you in the other night; you wouldn't be in this… state. I, I should've never…", she blushed, sighed with embarrassment, "I am sorry, Miss Winters.". The inmate's eyes widened, stunned, but quickly, a spark of eager hope lit up in her pupils. She rushed forward, her face merely inches away from Mary Eunice's, causing her to move back a little, looking like a deer in the headlights. Neglecting her excuses, Lana murmured with a half-smile: "You know I don't belong here", the nun didn't dare to answer, troubled by the sudden proximity, "You know it. And you're the only one who could help me out.". Mary Eunice suddenly became aware of the direction this uneven exchange had taken, a veil of sadness covering her eyes as she turned away from Lana's wan face. She couldn't look at her in the eye, couldn't bear the hope she couldn't answer, couldn't face up her own responsibility. Couldn't go back in time. She could only apologize: "I'm so sorry, Miss Winters.", she whispered painfully. Slowly, she stood up, ready to flee, but Lana gripped her wrist firmly, forcing her to face her again. "Sister, I know you can do it. You're the only one in this goddamn ruthless place who actually has a heart. I'm begging you…", tears were streaming down her puffy face, "Please…", she pleaded, her voice but a hardly audible whine. Mary Eunice couldn't hold back an unconscious impulse and wrapped Lana's shoulders with her free arm. Her face buried in the other woman's neck, she whispered: "Sorry. I'm so sorry. I, sor-", but realizing her position, she clumsily broke the embrace and, without a word, left the room. The heavy door slammed shut behind her.

Still hearing Mary Eunice's muffled footsteps, Lana fell back heavily on the mattress. She felt lost, overwrought, dazed and abused. And yet, she couldn't deny the small streak of light that Mary Eunice had just meddled within her. What could it be? Comfort? Compassion? Hope? _Tenderness_? Something else? Lana didn't know, but she did know that in order to survive and remain sane, she had to cling on to it. Something inside her told her this Sister Mary Eunice was a beacon in her wide-awake nightmare. _I cannot lose her. But how can I reach her?_

Lying across her bed, Mary Eunice stared at the off-white ceiling of her austere bedroom, fingers absentmindedly toying with the beads of her rosary. Trails of dried tears were streaking her pallid cheeks. _It's all my fault. Even here, I'm an utter failure. Sister Jude would hate me — she probably already does. And Lana Winters… How didn't she strangle me when she had the chance to, back in her room? How didn't she throw me to the ground when I hugged her? Oh God, I… hugged her? I went to try and provide her some comfort, but I don't even deserve her eyes on me! Her eyes… Those big wet eyes, intense brown, glistening with will to live despite all the suffering. Miss Winters is truly beaut- Lord, what am I thinking about?  
_Lost in her thoughts, Mary Eunice took off her veil, and still in her holy habit, rolled up into a ball before bursting into tears once more.

That night, neither of them managed to fall asleep.

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**Just thought I'd let you know I'm not a native speaker and am definitely not fluent in English. Please, let me know if you come across any lexical or grammatical aberrations. It's also my first fictional work ever (I like writing, but am not used to fiction structure) so it might be a bit unskilful. Criticism and reviews are obviously more than welcome! So yeah it takes me ages to write this but I'm actually having fun.**  
**Thank you for reading, my little pains au chocolat :).**


	2. Blooming

**Chapter II: Blooming — _After an awkward starting, Lana and Mary Eunice's relationship quickly blooms into an unusual friendship. _**  
**Chapter rating: K+  
Enjoy your reading!  
**

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The day after the electroshock administration, Lana was curled up in a rugged couch in the common room. Her head was heavy with the lack of sleep and the electric buzzing was still echoing through her brains. She could barely stand the other patients' racket around her. Everything seemed tenfold: lights, voices, cries, and the maddening ritornello of the record required by Sister Jude. Knees pulled up to her chest and face buried in her arms, she had lost the track of how many "Dominique, nique, nique, s'en allait tout simplement" she had already heard, when a feathery hand landed on her shoulder. She looked up wearily with tired eyes, jumping imperceptibly when she discovered Mary Eunice standing by her side, a weak smile and an abashed look on her face. "May I have a word with you, Miss Winters? In private."

Not having many other alternatives, they ended up in Lana's cell. The brown-haired woman immediately walked up to the bed and sat down on the thin mattress. Mary Eunice, noticeably ill-at-ease, stood by the closed door. _I don't even know what to tell her. What was I thinking about?_ She was fiddling with her slim fingers, not knowing where to lay her eyes on. Lana broke the silence: "You can sit, you know.", she patted the empty place next to her, "I'm not going to attack you, I swear. I don't even have any more strength for that anyway.", she added half-jokingly. Mary Eunice timidly stepped forward and took place by the other woman's side, still keeping a distance between them. After a while, she spoke softly without a look for her interlocutor, "About last night… I-I'm sorry. I wasn't—", Lana interrupted her with a small laugh, trying to lighten the atmosphere, "Do you ever happen not to apologize about anything and everything?". Mary Eunice could feel a flush of colour rising in her face, but started up again with a serious tone, choosing to face up Lana this time, "But I am. I'm sorry I woke you up, and about the discussion itself. Sorry I left so hurriedly", she lowered her voice, "and sorry I came…". Lana smiled vaguely, unsure about the words about to escape her mouth, "To be honest, I was glad you came. Well, sort of… For a moment, it felt like someone here actually cared about me.". Her voice was diffident, and both women blushed more than ever. Mary Eunice shrugged a little — _I do care about you. _She frowned and ashamedly spoke in a whisper: "And above all, I'm sorry I cannot help you.". Lana, taken aback, lowered her eyes to her hands twiddling with the hem of her gown. _Why on Earth can't I get mad at her? _"But as long as you'll be here, I'll do all I can to…", Mary Eunice hesitated for a second, "support you.", fingertips grazing upon the reporter's forearm. Lana turned her face to her, offering her a sad smile that nearly broke her heart.

They spent what seemed like an eternity in silence, both of them uncertain of the right time to end this unusual tete-a-tete. Both of them uncertain they wanted it to end.

"I should bring you back to the dayroom now.", Mary Eunice attempted half-heartedly, rising up. "Actually, I'm exhausted, I could use some rest. I'd rather stay here, Sister.". Lana lied on her side, one arm folded under her head, and shut her eyes to hide her unexpected disappointment. "Fine, rest well, Miss Winters.". Mary Eunice gave her one last intimidated — but softened — look, before turning around. "Sister?", her hand was hanging on the handle when a frail voice reached in her back. She turned around to face the bed again and tilted her head with anticipation. "Could you… Do you think you could come to see me every now and then? You bet I feel lonely in this place, and for some reason, it kind of helps when you're here.". In her position, Lana couldn't quite see Mary Eunice, and she thought it was no bad thing, afraid the timorous nun would misinterpret her request. "Of course, Miss Winters, will sure do so.". Neither of them could see the other smile with contentment. "Oh, and one last thing!" "Yes?" "Call me Lana." Mary Eunice opened the door, "See you then, Lana."

No later than the next day, quite long after the room check and the curfew, a discreet knock on the door preceded a mousey smiling Mary Eunice. In one of her hand, she held an alight candle, and in the other, and bundled kitchen towel. Not waiting for permission this time, she headed towards the bed and sat down next to Lana, who had already straightened up, hands resting on her lap.

"I was scared I'd find you sleeping already.", the blonde whispered, trying to be as quiet as possible. Lana grinned heartily, "I was kind of expecting your arrival, Sister.". The candle flame shed a soft light on Mary Eunice's face, making it glow in a very different way than the ghastly neon lighting of the asylum. It gave her features all their bloom and youthfulness back; the young girl's beauty was pure, fragile, and even more remarkable in contrast to this place's grim darkness — Lana couldn't help but notice it. _Poor soul, she looks like a single pale rose in a filthy swamp. How did she land here? She doesn't belong in this shithole any more than I do.  
_Mary Eunice put the candlestick on the ground and handed the small package to Lana. "I stole this from the bakery this morning. I know it's not much but…" Lana arched a brow with curiosity before unwrapping the towel. She let out a gasp of surprise, thrilled to find a practically fresh pastry among the fabric, "I'm mad about brioche!". Lana's delight brought a wide smile to Mary Eunice's lips, "This one's chocolate-filled.". The brunette squealed, her gaze still locked on the gold-coloured bun, "So you really are an angel on Earth!". The nun chuckled shyly, a pink tint rosing in her cheeks under the influence of the compliment. Still cheerful, Lana tried as well as she could to halve the brioche with her hands. _She's so pretty when happy — adorable, like a child. I wish I could see her like that more often. All the time. God, what did I do to her…_ Mary Eunice stared fondly at Lana's concentrated pout. "Here, take this. I know it's a sin but, c'mon, gluttony isn't the worst, is it? How many lashes would Sister Jude deliver you for that — five? Ten?", Lana chaffed, slightly bitter. Mary Eunice, on the other hand, wasn't so inclined to joke about such a matter— the very idea of Sister Jude finding out about their secret meetings turned her blood to ice. She could almost hear the sound of her superior's sharp voice shouting how much of a sinful recreant she was. However, she chose to wipe the thought away with a shake of her head and accepted Lana's offering.

They savoured their portion in an awkward silence. They were both aware none of this was right. But again, nothing at Briarcliff ever seemed right. Lana clearly realised the young nun's presence set her soul alight — and how odd that was — but she also knew her cheerfulness in that moment wasn't entirely sincere. How could it be? She was kept against her will in a more than questionable mental institution. Since she was here, she hadn't had a word from Wendy; except for the point that her so-called lover had apparently signed papers, knowingly having her committed to a sanatorium. And finally, she had no clue how she was going to break out. However, after a while, Lana moved aside, allowing Mary Eunice to sit right beside her.

Sitting side by side, they spent some time talking about various subjects, sharing a few funny anecdotes about their lives outside the walls of Briarcliff. For a brief moment, neither of them seemed to recall the cruel truth of their reality. And that there, this very instant, strangely felt right.

After a comfortable pause in their chatting, Mary Eunice asked, not very assured: "Lana, two nights ago, when I came to your room for the first time, you were talking in your sleep…". Lana tensed up a bit, suddenly on her guard, "What did I say?". Mary Eunice dithered, "You were calling a name… Wendy, I think it was.", no answer, "Is that your—" "My lover. It is my lover's name. Or was, I'm not quite sure.". Lana struggled to appear as cold and composed as possible but it was just too much, her eyes were already watering. She broke down in tears at the memory of her girlfriend; she did miss her more than anything else, yet she could still feel the bitterness of betrayal battering her heart. Confused, Mary Eunice put a hand on Lana's thigh, "Oh God, Lana, I-I shouldn't have asked such a thing. I'm so sorry. God, I'm stupid!". Lana's sobs only grew stronger and shook her frail shoulders. Seeing words wouldn't possibly be very helpful, the nun slipped an arm around her waist and dragged her head to her own shoulder, allowing her to cry in the crook of her neck, gently stroking her messy brown hair.

The two women only became closer with days passing by, missing almost none of their nocturnal rendezvous. It felt like many oxygen bubbles for the two of them, floating out of time and space. Out of Briarcliff. Mary Eunice occasionally brought pilfered snacks, or a newspaper or some book, although she had only ever found religious books, but she knew Lana wouldn't complain. And as a matter of fact, Lana never complained. It wasn't about that. It wasn't about sufferings, endless days, disgusting food, not even about Sister Jude's maltreatments. It was about escaping through each other's words, caring, and silence. And maybe about something else, something more.

One night, as she was pattering down the hallways and heading back to her bedroom after one their secret encounters, Mary Eunice couldn't help smiling at these moments of fleeting happiness. Her mind was already full of these memories, of Lana's picture and tingling, contagious laugh. She found it hard to believe that someone, particularly in this place, seemed to genuinely enjoy her company. That someone could show any kind of interest for her story. Especially concerning a woman like Lana Winters, whom had moreover all reasons to be mad at her. But she wasn't, or at least she didn't show any resentment for her. She made her feel as if she didn't need to be sorry for being there, for being herself. It was the first time in her life. Even if in the daylight, the pains of their reality staunched any kinds of joy and lightness, they both knew night would bring them its share of solace.

Closing her bedroom door behind her, Mary Eunice leaned back thoughtfully against it. _So is that was it is, having a friend?_

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**You guys, thank you so much for all the great feedback I got for chapter I! It's heart-warming and extremely motivating indeed.**  
**Ah, this ship is so inspiring, I'm drowning into ideas for the course of events! Having a lot of feels right now ugh...**  
**Again, please tell me if I made any gross mistakes (this chapter's actually been pretty hard to translate but I eventually got there). **  
**Thank you for reading, my delicious chocolate-filled brioches.**__


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